If there's anything I want people to know about me, or learn from me, it's this.

Jesus loves you. He wants the best life for you. He knows your heart and desires the best for it. Christians have given him such a bad wrap- we've done an incredibly horrid Job of showing the world the love of Jesus. For that, my heart hurts. Jesus loves you, even if you have sex out of marriage, smoke whatever the hell you can think up, think religion is stupid, think God is stupid, think people who believe in God use it as a crutch, see religion as oppressive, the list could go on & on. The thing is, jesus wants you to live a radically wonderful beautiful life - but a life for others- not yourself - a life not pursuing "good" or "philanthropy" or "humanitarian efforts" - a life that has a heart beat for the God who put everything in motion and desires Eden here again- he wants us to commune with him . In peace. In joy. In love. In contentment. Not fear or malice. Or hate or arrogance. Christians don't have anything to boast about - if anything, we should be on our faces thanking Jesus for saving us from ourselves. Even if you grew up around crappy Christians or another religion or no faith at all, let me encourage to explore jesus. Not Christians . Jesus . He is the only one that can heal a heart and this world. He's the only one that can save our wretched selves. You have to admit- your heart is fucked up. This world is fucked up. I have to believe there is good. I have to believe in justice and that things will be made right. I have to believe there is fairness in this world. Jesus is the only one that rose from the dead - no other religious head has ever defeated death - he showed the universe that he has power over death and our sins - all the shit we've done and will do - and he calls us into life away from death to join him in a beautiful journey, showing others the perfect love of God a long the way

Mom & dad- jesus loves you so much. He sees how hard you work and he wants to draw you to himself for rest and peace

Chel- Jesus made you lovely and beautiful and perfect

I am beyond thankful to be able to see my wrecked soul and pursue a life that reflects the lord. My posture towards life is that of open hands and a bowed knee

Please. Please. Consider Jesus

Open hands

So, we are going to be homeowners.

And I am halfway done with my dream internship.

And I am on fantastic medicine to help with my life-altering anxiety.

And Jordan is going to go back go school to pursue nursing.

And we are dreaming about future children. Natural & adopted.

And we feel very connected to our life group. Supported & loved.

We desire to live a life of generosity and living up to the
lords expectations of us. No one else's. Jordan has brought me so much joy and pride
In his insightfulness. We desire to live life like its a gift to be given away - not to shame
Others or bring recognition to ourselves. To help others recognize their potential and unique
Gifts from God. We feel like we are in a very good place. A place of transition but a place of
Readiness and openness.

Thief.

Anxiety is the thief of joy and hope. It tears apart your confidence and stomps on your dreams. Your mind swirls around in hopelessness. I believe it's an utterly spiritual thing. I also believe that I am plagued with it, and have been for as long as I can remember. I've never put a name to it, just shrugged it off as a character flaw, or chocked it up to being self-conscious. But no. I am so thankful that I don't have to be perfect or pretend to be. I think that's one thing that turns people away from Jesus - His followers acting like they have it all together. That is not me. I am a completely imperfect individual, with hope of a better future and eternity based on my savior's perfection. Nothing of my own accord. I struggle with anxiety. I wrestle with despair. But the power I have over it is to claim freedom in Christ over the spiritual forces that want to see me writhing in my own tears. I don't want to live life that way. I am free! I am free! The chains of my old life are gone. I am a new creation is Jesus and his perfect love. I am brought into his story of redemption and I get to play a tiny role in it, and point to him the whole time.

Don't ever let someone fool you into thinking they've got everything together.

Ahh!

Started my new job yesterday at the Fresno Heart & Surgical Hospital. It is so scary but I think I'll be good at it. It's overwhelming to think about all that I need to learn, and the shift I'm working so far is killer, but I am so thankful for a job. Please pray for me. I'm in a job situation that I've never encountered before, and I need all the confidence I can get.

I love the fulton mall.

The fulton mall was so good to me yesterday. I spent all day at Fresno Brewing Company, working on my application for the WIC Internship. I got caffeinated up with their yummy chai. I took a lunch break at Fulton Kebab, and had the best falafel I've ever had (and I just went to Israel and grew up with an Armenian BFF, so that's saying a lot). Then, I got a phone call about my new job (thank you, Jesus!) and rewarded myself by stopping by Good Will. I spent $13 and got 2 sweaters, shorts and a skirt. I also learned that Good Will has a partnership with Target, where they get Target's returned items. So amazing??! They also have quarterly sales where everything is $1.

Yes, fulton was good to me yesterday. And any day I hang there frankly.

Moving forward!

Today, I have officially begun working on the WIC Internship application. I am trying to find things to stress out about. Like, will I finish before Sept. 25th?! Uh, seriously. That's almost 3 months. See? I'm crazy! I've been thinking about the personal statement for soooo long. Nothing is typed out or anything, but every now and then, I'd look back over the questions just to be thinking about them.

We will see. It's exciting to think about the possibility. I trust that things will work out in perfect timing, even if it pisses me off. :)

On another note, we got a puppy today. Growin' up! And, the Hogue/Dolarian Lowell garden plot is pwning at life!

wow

Salvation is easy because it cost God so much, but the manifestation of it in my life is difficult...remember that His honour is at stake in your bodily life. - Oswald chambers

Am I the only one?

Why is it so easy to forget how blessed I am ? I am 23, married to an incredible man, living in a house in a neighborhood that I love. I need to be more of a big picture kind of girl. When our view is only within the realm of our strict little "plans" for our lives, then anxiety and feelings of failure seem to waltz right thru the door.

holy craps.

for the past couple months, jordan and i have been stressing about finances for Israel. in the past week, we've had an extension of generosity from our lovely grandma; the idea of a fundraising event come alive, to be held by our beautiful friends the feils; and we couldn't believe the amount of money we will be getting back from our tax return. if this isn't providence, i don't know what is. thank you Jesus.

saint patrick's day

I am Irish. I am Scottish. (and a couple other uber European ethnicities, but these are the ones that I am most comprised of) I am very interested in the life of Saint Patrick, and in lieu of his day tomorrow, I'd like to post what I have learned. I recently read a book about him, based on 2 letters of his that were recovered centuries ago.

Saint Patrick was alive around the 5th century and was not actually Irish; he was British, and kidnapped by the Irish at 16. He was held captive and enslaved for years, missing out on his formal education that only a privileged family like his could afford. He was amazed and bewildered by the Irish people. He fell in love with them and their culture. Growing up a stubborn atheist in a Christian home, God was the last thing he expected to encounter during his enslavement. God spoke to him very clearly in dreams during those years, and Patrick reminisced on the prayers he was taught as a boy. God softened his heart for the Irish, his captors, his slave masters, the people who hated his people. He escaped home when he was 21, only to feel an undeniable tug towards Ireland and its people. He ended up returning to Ireland to share the good news of Jesus. His family thought he was nuts, rightfully so. He completely immersed himself in Irish culture to better understand how the gospel can bring light and hope to their plights and way of life. The gospel was way more than something cool God spoke in a dream. It was real, a mission, a way of life that was not able to be stifled.

Shamrocks are associated with Ireland and St. Patrick's day. Rightfully so, clovers are everywhere in Ireland. Saint Patrick used the clover to explain the concept of the Trinity to the Irish. With that, the shamrock has much symbolism to me :) I want to get it tattooed on me someday soon.

A man who was called to love the people that hated him. And did so for the rest of his life. I'd say we have a few things to learn from him.

I've realized lately that I always have tons of things swirling around in my head. unfortunately, I don't carry a journal around anymore, so I thought this was a good alternative.



< been learning how to love, live with, and be married to this hunk. that's a lot of what the last 4 months have been.