Thief.

Anxiety is the thief of joy and hope. It tears apart your confidence and stomps on your dreams. Your mind swirls around in hopelessness. I believe it's an utterly spiritual thing. I also believe that I am plagued with it, and have been for as long as I can remember. I've never put a name to it, just shrugged it off as a character flaw, or chocked it up to being self-conscious. But no. I am so thankful that I don't have to be perfect or pretend to be. I think that's one thing that turns people away from Jesus - His followers acting like they have it all together. That is not me. I am a completely imperfect individual, with hope of a better future and eternity based on my savior's perfection. Nothing of my own accord. I struggle with anxiety. I wrestle with despair. But the power I have over it is to claim freedom in Christ over the spiritual forces that want to see me writhing in my own tears. I don't want to live life that way. I am free! I am free! The chains of my old life are gone. I am a new creation is Jesus and his perfect love. I am brought into his story of redemption and I get to play a tiny role in it, and point to him the whole time.

Don't ever let someone fool you into thinking they've got everything together.

Ahh!

Started my new job yesterday at the Fresno Heart & Surgical Hospital. It is so scary but I think I'll be good at it. It's overwhelming to think about all that I need to learn, and the shift I'm working so far is killer, but I am so thankful for a job. Please pray for me. I'm in a job situation that I've never encountered before, and I need all the confidence I can get.

I love the fulton mall.

The fulton mall was so good to me yesterday. I spent all day at Fresno Brewing Company, working on my application for the WIC Internship. I got caffeinated up with their yummy chai. I took a lunch break at Fulton Kebab, and had the best falafel I've ever had (and I just went to Israel and grew up with an Armenian BFF, so that's saying a lot). Then, I got a phone call about my new job (thank you, Jesus!) and rewarded myself by stopping by Good Will. I spent $13 and got 2 sweaters, shorts and a skirt. I also learned that Good Will has a partnership with Target, where they get Target's returned items. So amazing??! They also have quarterly sales where everything is $1.

Yes, fulton was good to me yesterday. And any day I hang there frankly.

Moving forward!

Today, I have officially begun working on the WIC Internship application. I am trying to find things to stress out about. Like, will I finish before Sept. 25th?! Uh, seriously. That's almost 3 months. See? I'm crazy! I've been thinking about the personal statement for soooo long. Nothing is typed out or anything, but every now and then, I'd look back over the questions just to be thinking about them.

We will see. It's exciting to think about the possibility. I trust that things will work out in perfect timing, even if it pisses me off. :)

On another note, we got a puppy today. Growin' up! And, the Hogue/Dolarian Lowell garden plot is pwning at life!

wow

Salvation is easy because it cost God so much, but the manifestation of it in my life is difficult...remember that His honour is at stake in your bodily life. - Oswald chambers

Am I the only one?

Why is it so easy to forget how blessed I am ? I am 23, married to an incredible man, living in a house in a neighborhood that I love. I need to be more of a big picture kind of girl. When our view is only within the realm of our strict little "plans" for our lives, then anxiety and feelings of failure seem to waltz right thru the door.

holy craps.

for the past couple months, jordan and i have been stressing about finances for Israel. in the past week, we've had an extension of generosity from our lovely grandma; the idea of a fundraising event come alive, to be held by our beautiful friends the feils; and we couldn't believe the amount of money we will be getting back from our tax return. if this isn't providence, i don't know what is. thank you Jesus.